Water Purification

2019 brought me to my knees in the deepest sobs more times than I would like to admit. The deepest womb excavations of repressed sexual trauma resurfacing from my childhood, coupled with immense ancestral healing of my maternal and paternal line. Re-weaving my DNA through this healing. I am dedicated to my path of healing so that my future children, my future line wont ever have to unlearn messages of deep shame and silence, manipulation, feelings of unworthiness, and perpetuation of the colonization and white supremacist ideologies that have perpetuated mass rape of this earth and her peoples. I do this healing for the collective so that we may walk into a different vision of what it means to live this human life in harmony with the all.

There were times this year where I entered into the black void of nothingness, and didnt know if I ever would see light again. Times I questioned why these memories resurfaced. Why I couldnt just stay in the unknowing. And now I know. My body and my unconscious held this trauma, pieces of the puzzle of my life never making sense, and now they do. Now I never have to question my innate inner sense of knowing. Now I learn to speak my truth and exclaim my NO. And my YES too. Now I know what I am fucking made of. Now I know deeply that I am a warrior. And the tears that flow profusely are the cleansing balm of honoring my inner child within who never was honored in her sacredness.

I am healing. I am healer. I am healed. And the cycles continue. I didnt do this healing all on my own, I was assisted with this healing by those who mirrored back to me where I was not owning my power, I also was assisted by those who held me while I vomited and purged and shook and sobbed the pain out of my being. Even those who simply witnessed me, reached out, and reminded me of why I am here. Those who shared space with me as guide, and shared how much of an impact I have had in their own healing. Those who smiled as I passed them by on the street when I was dying inside. I didnt do this healing alone.

EMDR with my therapist, plant medicine ceremonies, sacred breathwork, and continuing to spiral deeply into my womb as she guided me through the spaces and places still yearning for my attention.

I needed to be held deeply this year, and there are countless beautiful souls who listened to my cries, my story, and reflected back the immense love that held my heart so tenderly.

I am eternal grateful for not having to do this alone.

I am closing out this year still healing, still smiling, still crying, still holding rage, still finding places within that need more holding and love, still exclaiming I deserve pleasure and removing all obstacles within my heart and soul that keep me from truly opening my heart in love. Im still following spirit wherever I may be led, still taking chances, and falling deeper in love with life than I have ever been.

Thank you, thank you, thank you to all of the love in my life that shows up in its various forms. We are in this together. Into 2020 we go! And I am here for you too. Hand in hand. I love you.

—Originally Written December 31st, 2019