Yeshua
I love Yeshua and I'm not Christian. It took quite some time up until recently for me to accept him back into my heart. I had a close relationship to him for a period of time. In my adolescence I was a devout Christian. I went to church 3 times a week, did bible study and daily devotionals. I have read the entire Old Testament and New Testament twice. I gave my heart and life over to Yeshua and was baptized by my own volition at the age of 16. I was devoted and I was desperate to find solace in my heart and life after I had been lost with so much pain and no idea how to live with it. I was told by turning my life over to him I would be saved, from eternal damnation!? Because I'm a sinner I suppose. But I thought I would be saved from the deep darkness and pain that shrouded my childhood and that somehow by believing in all of these things the church and bible told me it would all of a sudden make sense. And it didnt. I was judged and ostracized by individuals at church because of my past even though Yeshua was the most kind hearted and open minded folk who sat with sinners and prostitutes and denounced capitalism I might add. And even though I prayed daily, did my devotionals, and emptied my heart to God I still couldnt understand how God was a He, and that all of the main figures in the Bible were men and women were the original sinners that tempted men with our sinning ways. It just didnt click. I had some profound mystical experiences with Yeshua and felt a deep relationship to him. But at the time I just couldnt accept him in his entirety, not with what the Bible told me. It didnt resonate fully with my soul, and I always felt something was off. At the time I had equated Yeshua with the male deity spoken of in the bible, I had equated Yeshua with the painful experience I had at church and so I walked away from the church, I walked away from the Bible, and I walked away from Yeshua. Only to welcome him back into my heart and life 14 years later through the love I found with his divine counterpart Mary Magdalene….(Continued)
Originally Written April 12th, 2020