Power
-Power: Part 1-
The first time I connected with Jaguar, she came to me in dreamtime. I was sitting outside of my house staring at the stars, and out of the darkness she emerged. We locked eyes and I had never been full of such awe and fear simultaneously before. She took a step forward and I awoke out of fear. This dream was just a few days before I would be sitting in ceremony and knew it was highly significant. I had never connected with the Jaguar before. And upon reflection I realized my fear was truly from the immense power it held. And then I related that to myself. The deep fear I held of my own power. Of what that would mean for my life, my narrative, if I were to own all of me and stand fully in my strength, unapologetically. As much as I like to think that I have unraveled all of the stories and programmings of victimhood, Jaguar showed up to show me the spaces that were still living in that old narrative.
After repressed memories of childhood sexual abuse resurfaced this year, the journey into the descent of my own underworld revealed "victim" was still very much alive and pulsing within my womb. As I began to allow myself to face the Jaguar, I began to allow myself to face my own power. To face me. In ceremony, I became Jaguar. And fully allowed power to permeate my being. I became power itself. This deeply changed my world and asked much of me. It asked of me to speak my truth and own it fully, it asked of me to stop people pleasing just to be loved and liked and needed and wanted. It asked of me to stop being the "nice girl" and to be real, with myself and with others. It asked of me to evaluate all the ways in which I had crafted a life out of a false narrative of victimhood. And then it asked me to make the changes that would alter that narrative. Which would mean letting every form of stability and "safety" go.
-Power: Part 2-
Standing in your full power may mean calling yourself out of the victim narrative and reclaiming your being. This may mean evaluating all the aspects of your life in which you still had been playing out the victim role. Perhaps the job that drains you day after day, perhaps your living situation where it doesnt truly feel like home, perhaps the relationship that doesnt fully allow for all aspects of your being to be shared and expressed. Perhaps there are aspects of your life that you had been settling into and allowing. Without fully seeing the power you held to make changes that could free you from a life that truly wasnt all of what you yearned to live. Atleast it was this way for me. Once I came face to face with Jaguar I had the conscious choice to choose power and relinquish all victimhood, or remain on the path before me. I couldn't see the ways in which I blamed so many extraneous aspects as to why I was still awakening to an existence that didnt fill me up and left me utterly drained. Courage asked of me to make these changes. Power knew I could, and that nothing could hold me back other than the doubts and fears of my own making…
-Power: Part3-
::My fear of power came deeply from witnessing those holding positions of power who walk a path of Abuse and Tyranny. Violence and Oppression. Manipulation and Dominance. I had always equated power to being something we should eradicate from this world. But now I see and know deeply that true power when held within the confines of love, allows one to walk through the world with an open heart and courage, in a purely humbled way. True power is a path of #Integrity and the holding of immense #Wisdom. We have seen too many in positions of power abuse this. And abuse others. Imagine a world of heart centered integral courageous beings who held their power fully and walked a path that radiated that. Whom held their own boundaries of firm love for self, while also loving and honoring another. Where one knew all they were capable of being and doing, and actualized that for their greatest good. And thus the greatest good of all.
This is true power. Beyond the distortions of this 3-d matrix that would have us believe that to truly own our power would be that we would become like them. But we truly know we are not and never could be....them. We are here to forge a new path. That is why we came here. To hold love, courage, integrity and power with all our might. This is what the Jaguars medicine has brought into my life, into my world, and into my being. These lessons. These reminders. These personal truths.
::When you dream of a wild animal, you are touching the part of yourself that can never be domesticated. The animal heart lives according to an ancient set of laws. She doesn’t care about politics and politeness and never takes more than she should. She reminds you of your nobility, your physical magnificence, and the unselfconscious power of instinct. The animal heart sees clearly what the intellect cannot because it follows the innate knowing of the earth itself." ~ Toko-pa Turner, Excerpt From “Belonging: Remembering Ourselves Home”
-Originally Written November 24th, 2019-